No big deal, I hear you cry and, were this anything like a decent, sound economic decision for anybody other than the Bank of England and their mega-rich corporate buddies, I would agree with you...

But it isn't.

One only needs to look at the justification to understand the smoke and mirrors "Doublespeak" of what Reuters desperately tried to pass off as news reporting in this article:

The Bank of England looks almost certain to raise interest rates by a quarter percentage point to 5.0 percent next week to send a tough signal to wage-setters before the New Year pay round.

Think about that for a second...An interest rate rise sends a tough signal to wage-setters...

Who are these wage-setters that they speak of? Well, they are the heads of the major corporations that shape the pay structure of the nation. If, for example, Tesco (who will be used as the major example throughout this article because they make me sick to my stomach with their disgusting profiteering and total lack of morality) decided to increase their pay by 10% in January and the other supermarkets did not follow suit, then there would be a mass exodus from the competition and massive queues of people outside Tesco stores complete with application form, C.V. and their soul all ready for sale...

Do you see the problem here? What is the tough signal being sent out to the likes of Tesco with a move like this? Tesco lend money to huge numbers of their customers through the Tesco loan schemes. This means a few things already:

1. If the interest rate goes up, Tesco loan holders will see their monthly payments go up therefore Tesco will be collecting more revenue each month to cover the direct cost of the rate rise.
2. Tesco wage-setters, having received their "tough signal", will not be offering the wage increases that their staff (and, due to the knock-on effect of being a "wage-setter", neither will any other companies) required to help cover the extra cost of the repayments
3. Thus, this has no direct or harmful effects on Tesco themselves as they are unlikely to have a great deal if any actual borrowings from the bank and, even if they did, the amount of money that they are loaning out would vastly exceed what they are borrowing

So, an interest rate rise just before Christmas, when people can least afford it, will ensure that they have less money in their bank and that their extremely wealthy corporate fat-cat bosses "will have no choice" but to step back and let them all suffer whilst reaping the benefits of an even further increase in their profiteering activities.

Bastards!

But it cannot get any worse, right?

Wrong!

To make matters EVEN WORSE, the article goes on to give a detailed account of the economy and it makes for less than exciting reading...Unless you simply ignore all of the relevant points as Reuters have done.

Unfortunately, there is no other way to cover this information than to give it the Start The Revolution "treatment":

ECONOMIC GROWTH

The economy grew faster than analysts' expectations in the third quarter -- at a rate of 0.7 percent. That was the fourth quarter of above-trend growth but was still a little weaker than had been predicted by the Bank of England.

So, what can we deduce from this piece of information? Well, the analysts' (experts apparently!) got it wrong and the economy grew faster than expected BUT the Bank of England (the holders of the financial keys to the entire nation and, again, experts apparently!) thought that it would grow faster than it actually did...And these people control the interest rate, the general cost of living and, therefore, the general standard of living for everybody in the nation!

Oops!

Although oops does not quite cover it, does it?!

INFLATION

Inflation slowed to 2.4 percent in September -- still above target -- due to lower petrol prices but many economists had expected it would fall even further. RPI inflation, on which many pay deals are based, hit an 8-year high.

Higher tuition fees and pre-announced utility bill increases are likely to push up inflation in the coming months.

Just an aside here, but were you aware that petrol could and should go down in price EVERY winter as they provide a lower grade fuel that requires less refining costs spent to produce due to the colder weather?! I bet you didn't!

Anyway, the economists (experts apparently!) got this wrong too! They thought that inflation - which has stayed above the government's maximum target level thus showing what a bad job they too are doing - would fall further than it has. In fact, whilst they talk about inflation going down, the reality is that RPI inflation (the one that has any real meaning for the average Briton) is now at an 8 YEAR HIGH!

Even more ridiculous, inflation is likely to go up and not down because of increased tuition fees and utility bill rises (that are totally unnecessary and one of the cons of the century!) Essentially, this means that the interest rate has gone up, the cost of living of has gone up, the cost of education has gone up and yet every encouragement - from the experts who are getting everything wrong - is being given to ensure that wage levels are frozen...

Sound fair?!

MONEY SUPPLY

M4 money supply grew 14.5 percent on the year in September -- a 16-year high -- and at least some members of the MPC, such as Governor Mervyn King, are worried this could be a harbinger of future inflation.

Hhmmm...The amount of money in the system is going up...WAAAAY UP! All the way up to a sixteen year high...A former governor of the Bank of England and current "expert" is worried that this may cause high inflation in the future...Personally I am more concerned that it is causing high inflation NOW and all of the evidence suggests that that is the case.

HOUSING MARKET

August's rate rise has had no discernible impact on the housing market. Mortgage approvals hit 126,000 in September, the highest in 2-1/2 years. The Nationwide said prices rose another 0.7 percent in October.

There is more money in circulation than at any time for the past sixteen years, average people are not going to get pay rises, interest rates are going up and the cost of living is going up too...

So does it sound like a good idea for banks to be approving more mortgage applications than at any time in the last 30 months?!

Even more ridiculous is the fact that house prices in a market climate such as the current one being detailed here are STILL GOING UP!

RETAIL SALES

Policymakers have noted data on consumer spending has been mixed. The official measure of retail sales showed a fall in September and the CBI's October survey was also unexpectedly weak.

Retail sales, which are not exactly in the best of shape, are going down. "Unexpectedly weak" is a phrase that demonstrates exactly the sort of imbeciles we really are dealing with when we talk about the "experts" such as the CBI. If they cannot see that the economic conditions actually ensure that people have less cash to spend on retail goods then they are just plain ignorant and should never be allowed near government policy or offer financial advice in any shape or form again!

The alternative is even more frightening...What if they actually DON'T know that?!??!

LABOUR MARKET

Unemployment rose in October, supporting MPC member David Blanchflower's concerns about growing slack in the labour market. Average earnings, meanwhile, have remained tame despite BoE concerns that higher energy prices will fuel higher wage demands.

"Growing slack in the labour market"?!??! Are they kidding?! What kind of talk is that? Just tell the truth and tell it in English...THERE ARE LESS JOBS BECAUSE THERE ARE MORE COMPANIES GOING BUST AND LESS NEW JOBS BEING CREATED DUE TO AN ECONOMY THAT IS FAILING!

Unemployment is going up and, as a result of this rise, the interest rate hikes and the bad lending policies that even the Tories decided to try and get a handle on, more repossessions are taking place every month (along with more bankruptcies being filed too) in a housing market that still sees prices rising along with the interest rates and yet, for some incredible reason, those buffoons over at the Bank of England, who are personally doing everything that they can to ensure that wage increases are all but impossible, are "concerned" that higher energy prices are not pushing up wages!

What are they thinking?!??! Are we really, truly supposed to listen to any of this and believe anything that they say?

Think about it..."Wages are not going up" and "we are sending out a strong message to wage-setters" do not really offer too much confusion as to cause and effect, do they?!

GLOBAL ECONOMY

Policymakers are still keeping an eye on the U.S. economy to see how quickly it will slow down and to judge what impact that will have on Britain.

The euro zone economy, meanwhile, has been surprising on the upside.

Well, that is great news...The US economy that is probably one of the few "first world economies" that is actually in deeper trouble than the UK's is right now, albeit somewhat better hidden from view but totally real nonetheless, is now the benchmark for the UK economy...

Stop the world...I want to get off!

But all is not lost...The Euro zone is doing fine!

So, what exactly can we deduce from all of this seemingly useless information?

The experts are idiots, the economy is crumbling, people have less money and are less likely to get wage increases due to the rises in interest rates that all businesses have to pay on their loans, overdrafts and property whether mortgaged or rented, more houses are being sold at higher prices to a nation that has more money in circulation to falsely prop up the failing economy thus meaning that they are buying houses at top prices that are likely to sharply reduce in value over the coming months whilst interest rates will continue to rise because the Bank of England are the people lending the UK all of the extra money that is being pumped into it and they are a business so they are guaranteed to take advantage of that fact and, the best bit of all, the UK economy is fast coming into line with that of the Euro zone thus making it much easier for Britain to join the Euro even though the majority of people in the UK totally oppose the idea and the government that is going to slide us into it anyway are supposed to work for us...

Ok, it is a long paragraph, but when you consider how much we just covered and how vitally important it is, I think I did that pretty well!

Any questions?

Phone your bank manager - Now might be a good time to try and strike up a good relationship with them anyway!

H. Upmann Cigars